Attack Of The Snowmen
by Earth Star
Summary: When the gang stop by a mountain town, famous for their chocolate, they never expected to be attacked by snowmen.  But, will Lina let these guys stop her from getting her chocolate? Like hell she will!


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or this series, and I don't wish to make a profit from writing this story.

Author's Note: I wrote this for the Winter Magic prompt over at LJ. It's a longer fic than my other drabbles, so I figured it deserved to have a separate upload

Attack Of The Snowmen

Gourry had seen many deserted towns in his day and this place fit the mold perfectly. There were no sounds of children playing or merchants in the streets. Every shop and home was locked up and the windows even had wooden planks covering them. When Lina had declared they would be stopping by here, while the gang was crossing the mountains, he had imagined it to be more lively. "You sure this is the right place, Lina?"

Lina frowned and checked her map. "It has to be, there aren't any other towns until the next mountain over."

Zelgadis stepped through the gate and peered through the town. "Perhaps that map is out of date and this place is out of business."

"Impossible! This map is barely a year old." Lina rolled up the map and tucked it back into her pouch. "Besides, this place is the chocolate making capital of the world. How could they be out of business?"

Amelia pulled her hood over her head to warm her ears. "Maybe they had some disaster? Maybe we should just go to the next town-"

Lina cut Amelia off with a glare. "Oh, no! I did not spend the last two days in the freezing cold to be denied my gourmet chocolate." She marched forward. "We're not leaving until we find a least a sack full of chocolate and that's final!"

Gourry sighed, knowing a tornado would be easier to stop than Lina when she was in this mood. "Come on, we'd better follow her before she sets fire to something."

As they moved deeper into the town, Amelia felt more and more uneasy. "Something about this place doesn't feel right." She took a side glance towards one of the close shops. "I almost feel like we're being watched, but we haven't seen a soul."

Zelgadis nodded in agreement as he watched the alleyways for movement. "Whatever caused the people to leave this town must have only occurred recently." He grasped his chin in thought. "Still, I can't think of what could have happened. We haven't seen any signs of famine or destruction."

"it is weird," Lina replied. "Besides the lack of people, this town is in perfect-"

"Stop," Gourry commanded as he reached for his sword. "I just saw something move."

The group froze and gathered closer. "I hear it," Zelgadis whispered and pointed up ahead. "It's coming from around that corner."

The sound of heavy footsteps grew louder. Lina held her breath. A shadow appeared on the snow and then a white figure appeared around the corner. It locked its gaze on the group.

Lina stared wide-eyed, wondering if she had somehow fallen asleep. She whispered to Amelia. "Am I seeing things, or is that a walking snowman?"

Amelia gaped as she took in the figure that stood before them. "No, that is indeed a snowman."

The moving snowman kept its gaze upon them. It had coal for its eyes and its nose. The odd thing was that it had no mouth, but Lina couldn't help but feel like it was smirking at them.

"This town has just gone up on the weirdest places list," Zelgadis mumbled.

Gourry nodded in agreement, although still didn't let go of his sword. "Hey, wait, what's that thing in his hand?"

Lina was about to say "A snowball" when the said object flew directly into Lina's face. She wiped it off only to be greeted by a bunch more snowballs.

"Duck!" Amelia cried. The whole group dived to the ground, but it was too late for Lina as more snowballs impacted her. Her front was quickly covered in snow, but it melted just as fast as Lina fumed. The snowman uttered no word or sound, but moved back and forth in the same manner a normal person would when laughing.

"That's it!" Lina cried and began to cast a spell. "This snowman will pay!" and she shot her fireball. It landed and melted the snowman instantly leaving nothing remaining except a giant puddle.

"Ha!" Lina cried, joyful of her revenge. "Take that ice head."

"Uh, Lina," Gourry replied as he held his sword out. "You're going to need to cast a lot more fireballs."

Lina turned and choked. While she had been distracted, more snowmen had appeared. Some were peeking around the corners and alleyways along the street. The ones on the rooftops were peering down at her like they were assassins ready to strike. Lina saw nothing but white around her.

"There's too many of them," Lina muttered. "I can't take them all at once."

"W-what should we do?" Amelia stammered as a couple of the snowmen stepped closer.

Zelgadis growled, put away his sword and grabbed Amelia's hand. "For the moment, run for it!"

Lina and Gourry raced after Zelgadis and Amelia just as the snowmen began to stampede towards them.

"This is crazy!" Lina cried. "They're just giant piles of snowflakes!"

"Yeah," replied Gourry. "Giant snowflakes that can hit you."

The group turned sharply and ducked into the nearby street. "Where are we supposed to hide?"

Suddenly, a door to the shop flew open. An old man poked his head out and gestured towards them. "Get in here! NOW!"

Not arguing, the group obeyed and dashed inside the shop. The second the last person crossed the threshold, the old man slammed the shop's door. He placed a finger to his lips as they heard the snowmen run past the shop. They remained motionless until the old man nodded and signaled it was okay to move.

Lina sighed in relief. "Hey, thanks, Mister. You saved our necks there."

"Don't thank me," the old man replied grimly. "You four picked a bad time to visit this place."

"No kidding," said Zelgadis as he removed his cape and shook off the snow. "I say we get out of this place as fast as possible."

The old man shook his head. "Impossible, those snowmen have taken the entire town hostage." He ran his hand through his scruffy beard. "The rest of the town has taken refuge in the town hall. You four were just lucky that I chose to stick around this area."

"Why aren't you with the rest of them?" Amelia asked, concerned.

The man's eyes narrowed. "This is my chocolate shop and I refuse to give it up to snowmen!" He spat bitterly. "Besides, I'm the only person that's been able to take food to the townsfolk, but even I'm running low on supplies."

Lina stood straight. She had only heard one important word in that whole sentence and tuned out the rest of it. "Chocolate shop?" Lina exclaimed happily and began to search around the shop. "Where? Do you have any on hand? I'm starving!"

The old man stared, baffled. "How can you think of chocolate at a time like this?"

"That's Lina for you," Zelgadis replied. "If you mention food, nothing else matters."

"Lina...Wait, as in Lina Inverse?" When Lina nodded, the old man clapped his hands and tears ran down his cheeks. "Thank the gods, our prayers have been answered!"

"Wow," Gourry commented. "Most people are usually cursing the gods when Lina comes to town."

Before Lina could reach for her slipper to hit Gourry, the old man grabbed Lina's hands and begged on his knees. "Miss Lina, please, PLEASE! Save our town from the snowmen! You're our only hope!"

Lina squirmed and wiggled her hands free. "Whoa! Whoa! Hold your horses, I don't even know what those things are."

"They're snowmen, aren't you paying attention?"

"I know that!" Lina snapped as she pulled the old man up. "But where did they come from?"

The old man sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself." He brought over a small stool and sat, rubbing the dark bags under his eyes. Lina wondered when the last time was that the man had gotten a full night's sleep.

"The name's Arthur, by the way, and those things were created by a sorcerer who lived outside off town, and he was a nutcase." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Believe it or not, the snowmen aren't the worst of his creations."

Zelgadis peeked out the window to be certain no snowmen were approaching the shop. "You're telling me he built every single one of those things?"

"Not quite," Arthur replied as he leaned forward on his knees. "He made the first snowman, the leader of them. He created some kind of magical object, and brought it to life. Apparently, he was hoping to invent a new kind of golem."

Amelia frowned as she hung up her cape. "So, those snowmen are like golems, but they're made of snow?"

"I wish is was that simple," said Arthur bitterly. "That nutcase made the first snowman to think for itself, if that wasn't bad enough he died shortly afterwards." He shook his head sadly. "The snowman just disappeared shortly afterwards. We just assumed it had decided to leave, until it came back with an army of snowmen."

"Wait," Lina replied and she brought over her own stool. "Are you saying this snowman built all those other snowmen?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Arthur's fists tightened. "The other snowmen don't think for themselves, but they attack anyone on sight. Their leader has told us he'll order them to stop if we surrender the town, but we refused...but the way things are going we're tempted to give in."

"How horrible!" Amelia stood on the table and waved her fist in the air. "To hold an innocent town hostage is just evil! Those snowmen should be struck down with the hammer of justice!"

"Um...right," said Arthur worrying if Amelia would knock over his tools. "In any case, Miss Inverse, we would be ever so grateful if you could rid us of these snowmen for good."

"Of course we will-"

"Wait, Amelia!" Lina snapped and whirled around to the old man. "How much are you willing to pay me?"

"Miss Lina, these people need our help!" Amelia hissed as Zelgadis helped her off the table.

"Hey, getting rid of all these snowmen is a lot of work and Lina Inverse does not offer free labour."

"She does have a point," Gourry replied with a nod.

Arthur went quiet and closed his eyes in thought. "We can't offer much, how about 200 gold pieces?"

"Just 200 hundred?" Lina scoffed. "I can barely buy a day worth of food with that."

"That's true," Zelgadis replied. "But it would take a fortune to feed you for a week."

"Watch it, Zel."

"How about this," Arthur injected. "400 gold pieces."

"And?" Lina replied, not sounding convinced.

Arthur frowned and said quietly "And an offer of getting free chocolate whenever you come to town?"

Lina grabbed his hand and shook it. "Mister, you got a deal!"

"And you're going to regret it," Zelgadis muttered. Knowing Lina, she could eat the town's entire supply of chocolate within a day.

"Okay, so we're fighting the snowmen," said Gourry as he leaned against the doorframe. "But how do we do it?"

"If we take out the leader, the other snowmen should stop," Zelgadis explained. "It sounds like he's controlling the other snowmen, the same way a sorcerer normally would."

"He's in the centre of town where the fountain is," Arthur explained. "He's made that his headquarters."

Lina nodded. "Fine, but getting there will be tricky. Once we set foot outside those snowmen will starting bombing us with snowballs again."

Arthur rose and went over to his closet. "There is a way, except for the leader, those snowmen aren't too smart visually." He pulled out a large trunk. "I've found if I put one of these disguises on, they don't recognize me. It's how I've been managing to take food to the people stuck inside town hall."

"Why don't you use them to escape the town?" Amelia asked.

Arthur sighed. "I only have four disguises and they wouldn't fit everyone." He patted the trunk. "Besides, the leader keeps an eye on the town hall, I'm certain the disguises wouldn't fool him for a moment."

Zelgadis stared suspiciously at the trunk. There was another issue he was more concerned with and it was giving him horrible flashbacks to the doll tower. "What kind of disguises are these?"

Gourry bent forward and opened the trunk. He blinked and reached for a costume and displayed it to the rest of the group. Zelgadis moaned like he was reliving a nightmare. Amelia stared puzzled and Lina stared unsure of what she was seeing.

"Is that a reindeer costume?"

"Yup," Arthur replied. "They're the most common critter around here. We have an annual celebration just to honour them and these are for the pageant."

Lina briefly wondered what kind of pageant these people held, decided she was probably better off not knowing.

"So," Arthur continued. "All you have to do is put these on-"

"No," Zelgadis snapped. "I have been forced to dressed as both a rabbit and as a woman!" He snarled and stomped his foot. "I simply refuse to add a reindeer to that list! I'm not doing this!"

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Exactly one hour later, Zelgadis found himself sneaking around the street and ducking behind crates in a complete reindeer costume. He sighed bitterly.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Zelgadis grumbled as the group ducked around from the alleyway. He cringed as the bells from his antlers jingled.

"Quit whining," Lina hissed with a glare. "At least your costume didn't come with a stupid red nose!"

"Why does your costume come with a red nose?" asked Gourry as he tried to make sure his set of antlers didn't bump into the window ledge he was under.

"How should I know?"

"Miss Lina, be quiet," Amelia exclaimed. She had gotten the only reindeer costume that had no antlers, but instead had a pink polka dotted bow on her head. "Or those snowmen will hear-"

They heard snow being crunched. Amelia gulped and turned to see a pair of snowmen staring directly at them from across the street. No one dared to move, and remarkably it worked. The snowmen turned away and continued to walk down the street.

"It looks like Arthur was right," Zelgadis replied in amazement. "These snowmen are really stupid."

"Whatever," said Lina as she tugged at the fake ears of her costume. "Let's just go find the leader, melt him and get this over with."

"The old guy said he should be in the center of town, right?" Gourry asked as the group marched forward.

Amelia nodded and pointed ahead. "And according to the directions he gave us, it should be after the next block here."

As the group got closer to the destination, they leaned against the wall and remained silent. According to Arthur, the leader was suppose to be a lot smarter than the other snowmen. He insisted that the group's best chance was to take him on by surprise.

Lina sighed inwardly. This felt so stupid, they were going to destroy a snowman for crying out loud. _Then again _Lina winced as a memory came to here. _We thought a giant chicken was ridiculous and he nearly killed us. _ She sighed. The whole thing still felt like a major hit to her pride.

Zelgadis paused, peeked around the corner and motioned for the group to pause. Lina slowly glanced around the corner and saw why Zelgadis told them to stop.

Near the town fountain wearing a tall black top hat was a snowman barking orders to four other snowmen. There was no doubt this was the leader.

"And don't you dare leave the gates for anything!" the leader ordered. "No one gets in or out of that town hall. Either those fools surrender or they starve to death."

The four snowmen gave silent salutes before they proceeded to march off. The leader turned and Lina was forced to choke back a laugh. This supposed leader was even more silly looking than the regular snowmen. He wore a large red bow on the top hat and bore a long orange carrot for his nose.

"This is for the record books," Lina whispered.

"Hey, Lina," Gourry whispered. "Why do we have to attack him?"

Lina choked and tugged at Gourry's antlers. "Weren't you paying attention at all? He's the bad guy, so we need to take him down."

"I know," Gourry replied. "But why attack him, wouldn't it be easier to just-"

"Look out!" Amelia cried.

A giant ball of ice plummeted towards them. Lina yelped in surprise and somersaulted out of the way just as the ice ball smashed where she had stood. Zelgadis shielded Amelia as bits of ice flew in the air, while Gourry ran to check on Lina.

Lina barely heard Gourry asking if she was okay, as her gaze locked onto the laughing snowman.

He folded his fat arms over his chest. "Did you really think you four could catch me off guard?"

"Considering most of the snowmen I've seen have slush for brains, it was a safe bet," Lina remarked as climbed to her feet. "Now, how about you make this easy on yourself?" She pulled down the hood of her costume and shook her hair free. "You leave this town and we don't have to do things the hard way."

"That's right!" Amelia cried as she pointed her finger at him. "In the name of justice we shall free this town of your evil snowmen."

Zelgadis sighed and muttered "What has my life come to when the words 'evil' and 'snowmen' are in the same sentence."

The snowman leader laughed. "I'll never leave this town, this place is our first step towards world domination."

He then stared silently at Lina. "Although, I must confess, I'm surprised you fooled my snowmen?"

Lina raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'll admit my men aren't that bright, but you make an ugly reindeer. They should have realized you were fake on the spot."

Lina's blood boiled. "And there goes any chance for negotiations."

"There was a chance?" Gourry asked as he took a step behind her. At the same time, Lina finished her spell and launched a fireball.

Much to her shock, the snowman easily dodged the fireball by back flipping over to the fountain. Feeling more enraged, Lina launched several more fireballs at him. However, the snowman kept dodging, side-stepping out of their path.

It could have been Lina's imagination, but for the last one she could have sworn time slowed down as the snowman arched backwards and evaded the fireball as it passed its nose.

"This is insane!" Lina cursed, stomping her foot. "Snowmen are NOT THIS FAST!"

"In that case," Amelia declared as she stood forward. "It's time for a physical approach." She yelled a battle cry her father would be proud to hear as she raised her fist into the air. "Pacifist Crush!"

The snowman wasn't able to move an inch before Amelia punched him hard in the stomach. Amelia grinned in triumph, until she noticed a problem as she attempted to yank her hand back out. She tugged, and tugged, but it wouldn't budge.

Amelia sheepishly turned back to the group. "Um...my fist is stuck."

Zelgadis groaned as Lina yelled "What were you saying about being physical?"

"Here," said the snowman as his round, fingerless hands grabbled around Amelia's wrist. "Allow me."

With a fierce yank, he freed Amelia's hand and flung her over his shoulder. Amelia screamed loudly as she safely landed in a snowbank behind the fountain.

"This is amusing," the snowman jeered, "But I suggest we kick this fight up a notch." The snowman raised his hand and slammed it against the ground.

Almost instantly, a layer of ice grew beneath them like grass, quickly spreading around the area and reaching where Lina and Zelgadis stood.

Lina wanted to ask what the point was, but got her answer as she lost her balance and slid face first into the ice. "You've got to be kidding me!" She desperately tried to regain her footing, but her padded reindeer feet made it difficult to grip the ice. "URG! How can I kill this thing if I can't stand up?"

"You let me take a turn," Zelgadis remarked as he took out the sword he had hidden inside the suit.

As he stepped on the ice, Lina was certain he was going to fall all well, but it was quite the opposite. He used the other foot and gave himself a hard push. Lina gapped as Zelgadis lifted his sword and moved his feet back and forth. Zelgadis was going to skate to fight? Granted, that wasn't any sillier than having to fight a snowman in the first place.

Zelgadis quickly gained speed and caught up to the snowman. The creature was unable to dodge as Zelgadis sliced off his arm. Unfortunately for Zelgadis, his feet kept moving and he himself was unable to stop. At the same time the snowman's arm fell Zelgadis had joined Amelia in the snowbank just as she had managed to dig herself out.

"Sorry," he grumbled as he attempted to climb off of her.

Lina sighed. "Well, at least he wounded him-"

She had spoken too soon. The snowman simply turned, picked up his fallen arm along with fresh snow and reattached it.

"Oh, come on!" Lina protested. "That's just cheating!"

The snowman laughed haughtily and backflipped on top of the fountain. Lina snarled as she struggled to gain her footing, but her feet kept slipping on the ice.

"You four might as well give up!" the snowman sneered, puffing his chest out. "Not even a sword can hurt me! I am invincible! "

_And annoying_ Lina thought. There was movement behind her. She whirled around and her jaw dropped. She had figured Gourry was frantically trying to regain his balance on the ice as well, but he was fine. More than fine, not only was he standing, but he was calmly making snowballs. She glared as he gently patted the snow between his hands. _What is that jellyfish brain thinking?_

The snowman raised his hands, preparing for another attack. "Once we conquer this town, we shall take this country and then the whole world will learn to fear the might of the snowman-"

A flying snowball cut him off, knocking the hat off his head. Lina anticipated curses or gasps of shock, but there were none. Instead, the snowman was frozen in his pose of mocking.

Before she could question this, the snowman leaned forward and smashed against the ground. She stared blankly at the pile of snow. "What just happened?"

Gourry dusted the snow off and offered Lina his hand . "I threw a snowball and knocked his hat off."

"I know that!" Lina declared as she gripped Gourry's arm for her life so she wouldn't slip again. "But, just what-"

"I figured if I knocked his hat off, he would just be a normal snowman again."

"Gourry, how on earth did you figure that out?" Zelgadis asked as he too gave Amelia an arm to hang on to as they stood.

Gourry shrugged. "The old guy said a magical object brought him to life, right? I figured it must have been the hat since that was the only thing he was wearing."

Amelia frowned as she and Zelgaids slid forward. "He...does have a point."

"Leave it to Gourry to point out the obvious," Lina muttered.

"So, I guess this job is over," Zelgadis replied.

"Not quite," A fireball began to form in Lina's hands. "I'm burning that hat until it's nothing but ashes."

"Right," agreed Amelia. "So, it will never harm anyone one again."

"Screw that," Lina hissed. "I want that snowman to pay for calling me an ugly reindeer!"

The group sighed and Lina happily watched the hat burn.

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After destroying the leader, the other snowmen instantly became lifeless. Once the townspeople learned of this, they were more than gleeful and began fulfilling their urges for vengeance, to smashing every single snowman.

Lina wondered if this would become a brand new winter tradition for the town. A huge celebration was held that night which included a large bonfire with dancing and a large feast. The group was stationed at the main table which suited Lina fine.

Lina waved a hand to the server as she and Gourry played tug a war with the roasted meat. "Hey! More hot chocolate over here! We're getting low."

Amelia beamed as she sipped her own warm drink. "The town is really grateful to us. Isn't it wonderful?"

Zelgadis buttered his slice of bread. "Yes, it's a nice change to not be run of out of town for once because of Lina." he sipped his drink. "Although, they might still do that once Lina and Gourry have eaten their entire winter supply of food."

"Ha, ha," Lina mocked and was going to say more when there was a tap on her shoulder. Arthur smiled at her as he placed a tall box on the table.

"We can't thank you enough, Miss Inverse, you saved our entire town."

Lina blushed slightly, while she adored getting endless praise, she wasn't used to people being this grateful to her. "Hey, no big deal, you guys did pay me."

"Even so," said Arthur as he placed his hands on the sides of the box. "We have decided to honour this by creating a brand new chocolate inspired by you."

"You made a brand new type of chocolate?" Gourry asked as he eyed the box.

"Not quite," said Arthur gleefully. "It's a figure of Lina sculpted in chocolate, we figured we can easily sell a million of these."

Lina grinned madly. "A sculpture of me? Well, I doubt you can capture all of my beauty in such a small sculpture, but I'll give you points for trying."

"Actually, this is my best work," Arthur chimed as he removed the box. "You'll be quite pleased."

The group stared at the figure. "It does look like her," Amelia stated, praying Lina was not going to smash it.

"Yes, exactly, like her," Zelgadis added. "While she was wearing the reindeer outfit."

Lina stared at the sculpture. It was indeed her wearing the stupid reindeer costume, red nose and all, and the worst part was how realistic it looked. She placed her hands under the table so she wouldn't smash the thing on instinct. Lina should smash the thing on principle, but the town was currently feeding them and they had even doubled the amount she had asked for payment.

"Why, may I ask, did you chose THAT particular outfit?" Lina asked, repressing her anger.

"Because that outfit let you get close enough to destroy that snowman," Arthur explained. "Besides, this is far more marketable than your normal outfit." He then turned to leave. "I have to go see the mayor, we're both certain this is going to be a big hit."

Once he was out of earshot, Gourry patted Lina's shoulder. "You took that better than I thought. Good for you, Lina."

Lina sighed as she stared at the chocolate. "Actually, this is not the worst thing to have my face attached too. That stupid golem was way worse."

The group blinked and stared at Lina. "Golem? Miss Lina, what are you talking about?"

Lina said nothing and promptly bit the head off the sculpture. At least this embarrassment tasted good.

The End


End file.
